greatest gift

"On behalf of such a one I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weakness." St. Paul (2 Corinthians 12:5)

Paul's revelation of being snatched away to Paradise was not Paul's to boast about. It was a sheer gift. It revealed the blessed saints to him, the blessed dead in Christ who went to Paradise.

Likewise, I see my revelation of the mystery as a gift I have received. It is not this little me, this son of Elmer and Martha, this husband of Cindy, this brother of Jay and Candace, this man who has received 21 years of formal education and two masters degrees. This gift has nothing to do with that "self," that Gregory. All of that is dung, compared to this gift. It is a rare gift, and extraordinary grace. I am weak, I am dishonored, I am powerless. I am flesh and blood. I am no different than anyone else in that all can receive the fruits of the gift, even without the direct experience if only they practice the faith in a life of prayer. It is the life of prayer that I recommend.

On the other hand, there is a mystery that has been passed down from generation to generation. And I receive that too. I have received in the deaths of my grandparents. I have received it in the humility of my parents, and siblings and wife. I have received it through my educational connections in the teachings of Nouwen. My hope is that my death, my weakness, my powerlessness, my shame, can become a gift too for those who live on.